Ceremony #4 - Apprenticeship

Today was my last ceremony and I wanted to really try and work with the medicine. So after burning the back of my eyes and getting my cactus sludge / juice I began to set my intention on working with the spirit of San Pedro. It was at this point that I also understood the word "spirit". Spirit is just a way for us to frame or define the energy, when I say the "spirit of San Pedro" I mean the energy of San Pedro. However when I frame it by using the word "spirit" then it becomes more of a single identity, creating a channel in my mind with which to communicate with.

I got comfortable and started to explore this a bit more as I waited for the San Pedro to sneak it's way in. I soon realized that when I talk about spiritualism it's really not any different then talking about something like Christianity. They are just two different ways to frame the same energy. For example if someone is sick, a person who believes in Christianity might send them prayers, where someone who believes in spiritualism might call in different spirits to help them heal. They are both sending out the same energy though conscious thought, it's just that one defines it as "prayer" and the other defines it as "spirit". With my left hand starting to burn I changed my thoughts towards working with the energy of San Pedro.

I slowly let the energy rise in me, feeling amazing, feeling love. But just as I was reaching a point where I would explode in to a race across the universe in exploration I began to calm the energy and come back a little. I rested for a bit and then again began to let the energy of San Pedro rise in me, this time going a little bit farther before calming it again. I was testing my limit and abilities on how much energy I could handle before losing control and being lost in different energetic realms, nothing more then begin along for the ride. I, for the first time ever, was truly working with plant medicine instead of just letting the medicine take me. I felt Scott's energy watching over me as I would amplify the energy, flying high, laughing, and crying with tears of joy. But I was still being cautious and backing off before I got lost in the endless possibilities before me. It was hard, the temptation to go explore was overwhelming as all the answers were right there. As I started to again calm the energy I realized something that is hard to explain. I was looking for answers but there were no questions, ever. That is only a concept born out of a human construct. I was not a human having a spiritual experience but rather a spiritual being remembering who I was. I didn't need to search for any answers because it didn't matter. I was, or rather I am just energy, the energy of the universe, the energy of you. The only difference between you and me is that the energy is framed using "Chris" verses framing the same energy through your consciousness.

As the ceremony was winding down and the cacao was being poured Malcolm came over and said good work. He also said that if I felt up to it I should have another very very small dose to really strengthen my connection with San Pedro. I was growing in ways I never could have imagined. And in that I mean that my conscious mind was awakening to what I already knew. I told Malcolm yeah if this is last call I might as well have one last small one. I spent some time just sitting there with the cup in my hands smelling the San Pedro and connecting with it though conscious thought. I knew I would be resetting the clock with this second dose but I also knew I could handle it and calm it without a shower at 2am. I then tossed it back and began to feel it in every nook and cranny in my body. However, this time is was a welcome feeling instead of a strange new experience. I continued my exploration until dinner at which point I calmed the energy. For the first time all week I was able to enjoy dinner with a clear head, felling I was completely grounded in my body. There was a feeling of completeness.

After dinner I returned to my room and started to pack as we would be leaving in the morning. These four San Pedro ceremonies, while separate, all made for a single complete experience. While nowhere near as intense as Ayahausca it was still just as profound. The medicine would continue to be working in me for the foreseeable future and I knew it was going to again take years to fully process and integrate.